सब ठीक है

.....बहुत रातें यह सोचते हुए गुज़ारीं हैं कि क्या करूँ कि कल मुर्गे की बांग से मेरी खिड़की में भी सूरज निकल आये और जब रात गुज़रे तो किरणें मुझे सब दरवाज़े खोल कर ढूंढ लें ..., कैसे सब कुछ सही कर दूँ ,...सही नहीं ,......पहले जैसा कर दूँ ,...क्योंकि 'सही' 'पहले जैसा' नहीं हुआ तो ??.....फिर जब ये सोचने की आदत हो गई कि सुबह कुछ ना कुछ कर ही लूँगा , अभी और जागा नहीं जा रहा इसलिये सो जाता हूँ , तब ज़िन्दगी जीना आ गया ,

....आज, अभी सब ठीक है ,मतलब सब ठीक है ,शाम तक सब ठीक दिखता है मतलब सब ठीक है , थोड़ी देर बिना कुछ सोचे बैठ जाऊँ ,ऐसा सोच पाया तो वो luxury है , सब ठीक है ,अगले एक घंटे ज़िन्दगी नहीं दौड़ाएगी ,अगर यह सुकून है, मतलब सब ठीक है ,... बादल सर से टकरायेगा फिर गुज़र जायेगा , तो उसमें मुझे तो कुछ करना ही नहीं , ...ना मैंने उसे बुलाया था , ना मैं उससे जाके टकराया था , जब कुछ किया नहीं ,तो कुछ सोचना नहीं, समझना नहीं , करना नहीं , सब ठीक है ...,

फिर जब वो दिन गुज़र जायेगा ,रात होगी ,फिर लगेगा, सुबह तक सब ठीक ही रहेगा , सब ठीक है . इस पल , अगले पल में घुस जाने की हालत में हूँ तो सब ठीक है , उस पल से निकलने की उम्मीद रखता हूँ तो सब ठीक है , किसी पल में घुस कर ना निकलने की नियति , destiny हुई तो ये भी कितना कमाल है,इसका तो कभी पता ही नहीं होता तो इसका भी कुछ करना नहीं ,सब ठीक है,किसी की याद बाक़ी नहीं किसी की उम्मीद अधूरी नहीं , सायों के साथ होने का वहम और उस वहम का अहम् धीरे धीरे झटकों से झड गया ,चलो मेरा 'मैं' अहम् को छोड़ कर मेरे साथ बच गया ,सब ठीक है , मेरा रोना सच्चा है , मेरी बची हुई हँसी खरी है , ...तो यार ये तो कहीं कुछ गड़बड़ ही नहीं सब तो ठीक है ..... आज सब ठीक है , कल भी ऐसे सेंकडों आज आएँगे , सब ठीक ही रहेगा...सब ठीक है 

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सोच तो ले जाना कहाँ है

 जो है, और जिससे अच्छा लगता है , 

हर वो चीज़ ज़हन से फिसल जाती है  ,

और क्या हो सकता है , जिससे अच्छा लग सकता है ,

ढूँढने में ही  ज़िन्दगी निकल जाती है। 

अगर अपने झोले में ढूंढूं ,तो कितना कुछ सम्पूर्ण है 

मैं अधूरेपन को जीवन मान बैठा हूँ 

तो वो क्या है जो पूर्ण है ....?

मैं दूसरे को चलता देख अपनी यात्रा निर्धारित कर रहा हूँ ,
सब जीते जी मर रहे हैं , इसलिए बस मैं भी मर रहा हूँ ,

अब लगता है रुक जा मेरे दोस्त ,सोच तो ले जाना कहाँ है ,

वहाँ उससे तो ज्यादा सुख हो , जितना पहले से यहाँ है ,

सर्दी की धूप में ,आराम वाली कुर्सी पर थोड़ी देर घास को तक ले ,

फिर बहुत देख चुकी आँखों को ज़रा हथेलियों से ढक ले,

और फिर सोच की क्यों देख रहा है कि सब कहाँ जा रहे हैं ,

जब ये सभी गोल गोल घूम कर वहीं आ रहे हैं ,

तू तो पहले से ही वहीं था , तुझे तो कुछ और करना था ,

कहीं कोई स्थान रिक्त पड़ा था , जो बस तुझे ही भरना था,

तू अपनी दुनिया संभाल  दर्शन , खोजने की कोई ज़रूरत नहीं ,

ज़िन्दगी फिर मुड़कर ना निहारे  , ऐसी भी सूरत नहीं ,

इसलिए याद रहे की जब तू चलता है  तो बैकग्राउंड म्यूज़िक बजता है ,

तेरा कैसे साथ देना है , हर ज़र्रे को उपजता है ,

अब सिर्फ वो सोच जो सोचा नहीं जा सकता ,

और वो संभाल जो हर कोई नहीं पा सकता ,

आज अपने सुख और क़ामयाबी  को एक तावीज़ में लपेट ले  ,

और अपने आँगन के कोने में अनदेखी पड़ी धूप को ,

दोनों बाहों में समेट ले ....!

ALL HINDI GUYS ARE COOL DUDES....:)

A couple of days back had gone to a Hindi book release function by "Akhil Bhartiya sahitya parishad" with mom....who else ? :) Mom's Hindi teacher was the author ,he is 85,and I knew mom should be there....it was Sunday and she wanted a driver...:)...I went with her....:) I also went because I subconsciously keep looking for people I can be in awe of,and can really admire...and this 'really' means something I tell you :) .....I have a hobby of collecting such antiques in my memory.They are true to their art form/field.They might not be saleable because they are precious and not known because they are too exceptional to be popular...just thought I might meet some there....being an actor usually don't get opportunities to be an admirer of people from 'lesser superficially glamorous' fields......

          Just sat and heard what they were talking ..... the toughest Hindi I could ever imagine....and I bow down to all those wonderful intellectual people who read their articles and discussed things which I could have never expected to be known to people who survive in the most beautiful form of my own language Hindi without even thinking how many people would understand and how 'clap a ble' their speech would be,they were so intellectual , so well read...it was pure knowledge , pure intellect flowing...... In those two hours I was literally speechless with a realization of verbal and expressional poverty and had no time to blink.I have such a rich language I didn't know of :/ was my expression.....Just learnt once, Hindi is said to be more phonetic because of 47 alphabets
14 vowels and 33 consonants.... but here I was not feeling ignorant I was angry as I felt it was a conspiracy for not letting me know what I have ...!!....

                            I can't deny that I felt ashamed that 'I' have started seeing Hindi as 'regional' in my own country ((earlier the sentence I wrote was involving all the countrymen but then I thought it is better I just stick to myself...it makes me feel more confident about what I'm saying))...I write in English only because I get more response than when I write in Hindi not because people don't want to read Hindi but may be because they are sure they will not understand because as global inter - nationals that doesn't seem like a priority.... when people write in Hindi they in their own country are worried as to how many of them would understand or the biggest concern....'would want to understand'..( have spoken to several writers so commenting :))...

                    We are surrounded by a generation who knows that if their child talks in Hindi not being good at spoken English he would face problems...the entire internet is more accessible in English....so they are right.....Parents who have studied in Hindi medium schools dream of a child who can do ggiittar ppiittar in English the way they couldn't.....It does sound funny when most Indians with whatever knowledge of this language and incorrect pronunciation keep stuffing their children.....'Common beta say 'MENTION NOT'.....COMMON ..beta say You AlSo ComE tO mY HOuse tOMROW ' 'bAD BEta MAmma wilL SColD YOu.......an observation wherever you go,it is a dream of every Indian parent....everybody is practicing 24*7 just sounds like you are talking to TOMMY or Tiger.. (no pun intended,I'm no different)......Indians face a difficulty because they don't 'think' in English,it is only a translatory mechanism .....the faster you can translate in your head the faster you can talk......not necessarily express......it is with every second language.......I don't know the solution because may be I don't have an arguable reason to see it as an oncoming problem.....just that when I listen to these guys who can talk so well in Hindi I really miss being able to talk like that,it feels good,so cooool :) ......

                
                      While writing in Hindi rather than hunting for newer and more apt and suitable rich words we restrict ourselves to more known words which may or may not do justice with the expression....it is sad....I just feel it would have been so nice rather than using toughest of Hindi words as a means to laugh and joke we could have used them in our general conversation,although I have started doing that,just because I like talking good Hindi and ....it is so beautiful....The feeling of me knowing another language besides my own makes me feel like a progressor, a skill seeker ....and fiddling with another without knowing mine makes me feel inadequate......
                    I wish someday people after reading a Hindi article or a poem refer to a dictionary to understand and that will happen only when they feel the need to ......but in any case need has nothing to do with the satisfaction of being able to understand and express in a beautiful language,it is taste I guess....and if for taste I can go 10 kilometers to have 'Kachori' I can try to understand what someone has written....so whenever I read something that I don't understand in Hindi I thank the writer....I know he is having fun without inhibition ...not only for sale....its ok if I don't understand....it makes me happy to meet people at least who themselves know to perfection...what they are talking......:) All Hindi guys are 'cool dudes'....and it doesn't mean ठन्डे पुरुष :)

Mobile and memories

Today I had to transfer a couple of numbers from my phone to my sim card with a limit of 250 numbers , it was like an emotional journey through my life again , scrolling through those 1000 numbers to select 250 numbers that I would never like to lose...you halt for a while and then suddenly copy names you think you hate and let go of names everyone thinks you have an association with...some you have never met for ages are there since ages and some you feel might be of some use the way you keep plumber's or electrician's number.....they are like utility numbers ,some are like emergency numbers, some like encyclopedias , some like inquiry numbers, and can you believe ....some have passed away but I still transferred their numbers.......you as if give numbers, like in an exam, to phone numbers.....numbers and names are like pages of your life some you want to tear and keep in a file ,some you just want to turn over and some that you stop and read again ....every name in that contact list is like a good or bad or immaterial , important, happy or sad part of your life.....some numbers are thrown out like junk and some you feel can again be used at some point of your life....some are like dormant volcanoes you will never touch .....but if someday they irrupt in the form of a ring , you are pleasantly or shockingly surprised to see......you think twice before picking it up but then you wonder why you kept it for years if you didn't have to pick it up.....some numbers might never ring, but you wish they flash on your mobile someday....like papa's number.....they are like fantasies .... phone directories are like emotional roller coasters.

 

I JUST WISH DAD SAW THAT I'M TRYING TO REGAIN THAT GLORY FROM HIS TERRACE.

All guys like me who are born and brought up in Jaipur know kite flying ....its understood...:) It was kite flying day yesterday in Jaipur ......
Dad was a champion....he just used to fly kites on Makar Sakranti but people till date talk about his skills of flying and fighting huge kites and others from adjacent terraces would request to spare theirs.....We all at one point or the other have given time to master the skill of kite flying and fighting...and fondly remember the days when we would snap several threads with ours and count them like medals....We all remember our first kite training ,first kite flying terrace,first kite flying associates,first kite flying accidents,first kite flying romantic incidents/accidents and so on....ha ha....I too remember.....now quite out of practice but next year have decided to regain my form....
It is not just a kite ...it is my childhood,my dad,simple pleasures of life,memories,togetherness, belongingness 

....my dad has always been younger than me.. :)..I have always been a super bore...he he :)....always engrossed in my film making custom made games and music synthesizers .....yesterday...without dad didn't feel like flying kites....so was just doing my editing work till late evening....and then saw ... neighbour Uncle and his sons on the terrace shouting and screaming,......they used to fight kites with dad and were used to seeing someone as an amazing skilled competitor on our terrace....my dad.Dads would in the evening fly the biggest kites and no body like war ethics would intervene or poke his nose with a small 'Kiten'....we would just hold thread winders/spools (charkhi) and so keenly follow our dad's kites ; sometimes after getting entangled the fight would go on and on for a couple of minutes and others on other terraces would just freeze to witness the climax......and then Dad would just very patiently wait for the feel of correct tension in his fingers,correct wind,correct control and then an amazing heroic gesture of pulling the thread with speed and all might and .....sssssaaaaaaaataaaaaaaaak.......would snap the other kite......and the whole colony would shake with a collective sound of ......wowwwwwwww kaaatttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........that would even echo from other terraces and an amazing friendly smile of uncle for papa who would with amazing spirit start winding his snapped thread and a child would shout from the other roof ,fly one more and we will cut it ....this time......:)
Ufffff.......why days and people just fly away....

Uncle and his sons gift me memories all over again....they are a part of my dad.....so just switched off my comps and ran on the terrace just to make them see.....Mr. Dave's son is very much there....that terrace will not look devastated after him....I just kept watching kites flying and fighting ....and uncles and his sons waved at me.....something happened,....I knew I was't prepared but still ....went down and brought kites and Charkhi......cousin sis came running to hold it for me and I kept flying kites till late evening.....
I just wish dad saw that I'm trying to regain that glory from his terrace.....!

All men are not rapists.....your father, brothers, husband and sons are not.

No one wants these unfortunate incidents like this Delhi case to happen,it is gruesome...but...5 statements from people who have said anything other than what the entire nation wants to hear at this moment....are obviously making headlines.....and other 5000000 irresponsible ones from extremists ....tagging all men as animals (except their own fathers ,brothers ,sons and friends) and demanding that there should be legal sections where every accused without a proof should be hanged....are nothing but a slap on the faces of all those men who are standing on the roads with banners and shouting slogans the whole day supporting women and condemning such incidents,a humiliation for all those who can't even think of doing something inhuman like this...but....may be men have got used to it ,they have been generous ,they will be....because not all are rapists.......an incident today in news paper where again a woman has accused three men of rape.....

- Her permanent address is been found to be incorrect

- she is found to have made a similar complain against the same people in some other city a couple of years back

- and police have come to know of a property issue between them...

 still I say what she is claiming should be investigated but a belief ...that no woman can ever lie....is so weird.....
...please ,if there were some animals who have done this,do you really think all those lacs and lacs of men who are condemning it would have just quietly watched it and enjoyed it like a film had they  been watching it happen .?...

..today girls all over the country enjoy night life and are able to be out enjoying and partying because they are not dancing in discs fearing rape all the time as it is claimed to be after such incidents, they feel safe in the company of their male friends who don't think of raping them....it sounds crude ,I know....as it sounds when this is how it is made to seem....I really want to know how many women step out of the house daily with a fear of  RAPE in their mind ?.....and suddenly one fine morning you hear there should be sections amended to goad all men in this country..... it has never proved to be right even in the past..... it is not legally ,ethically and logically right to tag a gender and make sections like 498a and 406 with which lacs of families have been brutally destroyed by women and just because there were people who were dowry seekers,an entire nation full of completely innocent guys and their families have been ruined by innumerable women filing completely concocted and false complains .... this open brutality by women has been termed as "Legal terrorism" by the supreme court as it is still constantly on a rise...so please......Men are born to protect not to rape.....and every daughter,every sister,every mother,every wife and every friend knows it .....

The right attitude is ......every criminal whether a man or a woman should be punished.....and so these men should be punished for what they have done and all men support it.It would in fact be cruel to take drastic constitutional or legal steps in an emotional high and make life hell for lacs and lacs of innocent men hereon,not even good for women because no woman loves to see her father or son harassed,arrested or behind bars just because there have been some male animals who pounce and some female animals who frame.

वो सही था वो सही है

वो सही था वो सही है 

जिसके सर पर तलवार रही है 

सबने मुँह में जो आया कह दिया 

उसकी हर बात अनकही है ,

आज फिर लगा कोई पीछे छूटा शायद 

मुड़ के देखा तो साया भी नहीं है

खुदको फिर तन्हा पाया तो लगा ऐसे

दर्शन तू तब भी वही था

तू अब भी वही है ....

--- DD