When my family and I were going through extreme cruelty imposed on us recently for no reason my dad once told me....don't be scared of anything.....you have the best gift of god since childhood that you are so happy and at peace in your own company ...he would describe and recall how I would be happy playing with sketch pens as heroes and villains,would make a film roll in a shoe box for colony friends and spend several hours playing various musical instruments....when in school I started writing and composing songs.....after making the mukhda (refrain or first two lines) I would be busy composing the antara (stanza) the whole day.....even in a party I would leave my parents and come back home to complete the song without any monetary or professional compulsion...it was madness.......there were no deadlines,no producers,no release dates but I was tooo busy always......:).....
As a kid I have made cricket gloves,and pads by my self,learnt magic....even tried to become a trapeze artist like those in a circus by putting swings in my dining lounge.I would make hurdles in the ground opposite my house and practice athletics or put small musical keyboards on either side, stand in the centre and pretend to be 'Yanni '.Then started painting and writing poetry....would call all the friends and make a play or a film.....of my own story......but I was happy with Darshan......although mom was always worried that I might not become Jaadugar samraat Darshan (a magicians) ha ha.....or join a circus.....:)
Being the only child,I used to play with Darshan,Darshan would call Mr. Dave and Mr. Dave would invite Darshan Dave and I used to be happy in this friend circle......I'm really surprised how people have 1000 friends, I , till now can't count more than 5 people who have proved their friendship in my life....a loner I told you.....rest,I'm sure have better choices other than me for friends....I am a bore......:) Who would like to befriend a person who doesn't get time to go out .....or doesn't watch a lot many movies,can't spend time with women who want me as a part of their collection ?.....and some more unbelievable secrets..... have a TV but no cable connection for past 2 years......I don't get time to watch it ....in these many years I have lived the life of a student.....locked in rooms all the time....have hardly celebrated festivals or my birthdays,too occupied learning and experimenting with music programing,video editing,photo softwares,animation softwares,made numerous songs and written scripts and shot films and edited them etc etc......... and all that I thought I could do with ease...all by myself......so from other's point of view.....yes I'm a bore....:)
Today when after a storm I find myself a little quiet and more fearless....sitting in my room with my synthesizer by my side again composing,with a mukhda completed and having the same restlessness to compose stanzas,I feel one never changes in a life time,he may just pretend......I am the same Darshan.....I feel I pretended that external things did affect me but how did I forget what dad told me......no matter how much everything around changes or seems to change but no one,no matter how deep he wounds you,can touch Darshan Dave......he is too deep to be touched,only the fire of the pyre once in a life time reaches there to transform it.....till then be rest assured nobody would be able to reach to you........
Sometimes I do think working all by myself or for myself without worrying who would buy or like it might be impractical....but it doesn't bother....at the end of the day,I can't cheat on my yardstick,can't let the perceived progress of everybody pull down my expectations from myself to please the world and change my definition of work.Those who understand my work keep calling without blandishment...It never became a business for me,the day I start working just for the sake of working it will stop entertaining me.Earlier I would think about the purpose behind spending so many hours in creating things that people have not seen till date....but I was wrong.....sometimes the purpose of life is more important.....I love to impress myself :)
Today again I'm composing a song sitting all alone,with a hot mug of coffee in a corner of my peaceful house,with windows opening in a vast green open space and am as happy as I was,when a child........and I am blessed that nobody or nothing can ever make me lonely.....I will just call out and Darshan,Mr. Dave and Darshan Dave would be sitting together the very next moment........Papa you were right,it can be an illusion but nobody can ever separate me from my friends Mr.Dave and Darshan Dave.Infact what exactly he meant was....that people may cut you into pieces.......but they can never temper with yourself.....and can never separate you from your loving being........so why worry....?....:) Dad was Dad,so intelligent.....:)
Sometimes I do think working all by myself or for myself without worrying who would buy or like it might be impractical....but it doesn't bother....at the end of the day,I can't cheat on my yardstick,can't let the perceived progress of everybody pull down my expectations from myself to please the world and change my definition of work.Those who understand my work keep calling without blandishment...It never became a business for me,the day I start working just for the sake of working it will stop entertaining me.Earlier I would think about the purpose behind spending so many hours in creating things that people have not seen till date....but I was wrong.....sometimes the purpose of life is more important.....I love to impress myself :)
Today again I'm composing a song sitting all alone,with a hot mug of coffee in a corner of my peaceful house,with windows opening in a vast green open space and am as happy as I was,when a child........and I am blessed that nobody or nothing can ever make me lonely.....I will just call out and Darshan,Mr. Dave and Darshan Dave would be sitting together the very next moment........Papa you were right,it can be an illusion but nobody can ever separate me from my friends Mr.Dave and Darshan Dave.Infact what exactly he meant was....that people may cut you into pieces.......but they can never temper with yourself.....and can never separate you from your loving being........so why worry....?....:) Dad was Dad,so intelligent.....:)
