TEAS TEASE ...:)

If you can't have 3 teaspoons of sugar in one cup of tea....you are so unlike me....he he,every time when I ask a spot boy or a household help at someone's place...." tea with just milk no water and two and a half teaspoons

 of sugar " ... there comes a pause in the room as if I have abused someone....and then he cross checks ....he leaves as if he is trying to come to terms with it.... he enters after some time as if anticipating to see some magic trick.....and when he places the tray on the table he hands over my cup as if one smuggler is handing over a bag of drugs to another and then he gives a disgusting look .....as if the mental torture that I have caused to the entire humanity is unbearable....and then comes a question sweeter than my tea....do you want some more sugar ?...although it should sound sarcastic but it usually sounds like a client is asking a question to some tantrik baba...one who does black magic....even though I'm not having black tea.It sounds too diabetic to handle for a while and then when the hosts take sips of their teas or whatever you call it .......medicine or extract..... without milk and sugar there is just an atmosphere of sympathy and pity for each other ..... and two three sips of those teas are in absolute silence as if we are in a condolence ceremony and then one of the two makes a Ahem Ahem sound before starting a conversation as if there was definitely something in the tea that was hard to swallow.......ufff teas tease.....he he........:)

रब्बा मुझे भी इस दुनिया के जैसा बना दे ....

रब्बा मुझे भी इस दुनिया के जैसा बना दे ,
कोई कितना खुदको खुद के मरने की सांत्वना दे , 
(सांत्वना - console )


सारी  दुनिया उधर है , अब अकेले डर लगता है ,
मेरे जिंदा होने का माना ये भी एक मुग़ालता  है , 
( मुगालता - confusion ,misconception )


जो पिघलता नहीं , वो जलने की सज़ा  पाता  है ,
बाढ़ को सख्त दरख़्त तोड़कर मज़ा आता है ,

अच्छे दिनों की भी कोई याद होती तो अच्छा होता ,
और उस याद की लम्बी मियाद होती तो अच्छा होता , 
(मियाद - duration)


कुछ हो तो मैं रुकूँ वरना चलूँ फिर रुख्सत लूँ ,
शायद तुझे भी याद रहे तेरी मेरी फुरक़त यूँ ,
(फुरक़त - Separation)


कोई आवाज़ नहीं आती जब पलट कर जाने लगता हूँ ,
अपना नाम चीख कर , गूँज खुद ही को सुनाने लगता हूँ ,


ज़िन्दगी ही कहता था मैं तो , लोग कहते हैं नासूर है ,
जीत का हर फलसफा , खूबसूरत हार का दस्तूर है , 
(फलसफा - Philosophy)


तक़दीर बेरहम थी या मैं बेशर्म था , पता नहीं ,
मेरे क़त्ल में , शरीक़ मैं भी था , उसकी खता नहीं ,


जाने तक सभी ने बहुत लिहाज़ किया मेरे हालात का ,
बोझ भी कुछ कम नहीं था उनपर वफ़ा ओ जज़्बात का ,
(वफ़ा ओ जज़्बात - Loyalty and emotions)


जो मैंने संभाला वो सब छीन लिया रुसवाई ने , 
जो बचा वो भी ले लिया तन्हाई ने ,
गर कभी धूप  पड़े तुमपर तो फिर बुला लेना ,
ऐसा कुछ कहा कल मुझसे मेरी परछाई ने ......
(रुसवाई - bad mouthing or criticize )

                                                                                                      -DD

MY WORST ACTING IN THE ICU

ICU of a hospital in Jaipur.........I was laughing and humming in front of my dad ,just not to let him know that doctors are waiting for his death.Am not able to forget that innocent look ,when he knew something is terribly wrong and would try to get the answer by just looking into my eyes all the time,with numerous tubes in his mouth ,nose ,throat and body....

A year back in the same hospital , where he went on his own feet ,I once told him....."papa I have just seen the ICU in the corridor it is so scary all people are lying like dead bodies,I don't think anybody comes out of it alive ".....I was so stupid....had never thought,it might happen to us so soon.

...... in the same hospital I kept seeing pigeons making nests ,laying eggs ,I watched newborns coming out and flying off and we were still there in the same hospital room....and then dad in all consciousness saw his journey from bed to wheel chairs to stretchers to oxygen to ventilator.....ohhh papa.........and all this happened when my family was already dragged in a painful situation by some animals,and we were very much in the middle of that nightmare,and he just didn't want to leave me and mom alone to fight with them,on one hand they were after our lives ,and my priority was to save my papa and I just couldn't do anything.....

I was casually called one fine morning by the doctors when I had just bought a laptop and internet connection to connect with doctors all over the world to get my papa out of all this ,and was told.....there is very little hope,...... I would get this news in several versions every now and then and then.... I would prepare myself mentally ,enter the same ICU and be loud and would ham to make him believe that I'm so happy to know that he is recovering now.....may be since he was very brave and practical he was looking for an answer so that he could make up his mind for,....I don't know what...... but I like a coward never accepted it...I never wanted to let him get into that mode of giving up.....I just wanted him to die with a relief that everything is fine and everything would be fine ,......one miracle,and it would have saved my faith and my being forever....

Can't explain that moment when someone knows he is leaving his child, his wife forever , you are looking into the pulse meter and cardiogram and know that he is sinking ,and would leave you any moment ,but he is conscious and definitely knows its over and you are still acting and acting ....asking him to sleep and rest and he is not missing a moment of watching you for the last time....and after a moment of vacuum, when the hospital staff pulls out all the tubes ,you are holding your tears  and you just say,please don't pull it so hard ,do it gently , you know , now you are not acting.

...........................MC BC BOSS DK

Maa ki behen ki boss DK pallu ke neeche...WAH WAH ....great songs that are being sung by little kids on the roads of this so claimed culturally rich country... and this ________ (can't find an adjective) trend is the IN THING for the new hippie pretentious YO YO COOL COOL modern multiplex crowd....its different....Indian viewers in a mindless haste to adapt to every change are sooooooo ready and prepared to accept, absorb and follow everything in the name of NEW and DIFFERENT.Rupees people have started earning in dollars ....COMEEEOOON.....have to change sensibilities like mobile phones and laptops....COMMEOOOON.We are modern mature global viewers....we all have imported items at home and our kids just talk in Englissssssss....We SHOULD/MUST like 'bald' (bold) films......yo man....COMMEON if now we have laughter clubs where we can laugh without any reason... your highness it is still a screened cheapness for which I have paid money.......

I have seen a group of 7-8 year old kids copying sex scenes and kissing scenes when playing FILM FILM on the terrace of a building and parents who sit in the theaters and laugh on the cheapest jokes have no problems about their kids becoming such genius learners ....

Competing Radio stations churning filth more than the other to earn money.....radio jockeys commenting and giggling with such low sense of humor on the dirtiest songs abusing women and then they will go overboard on women's day he he...funny.... and we high class people reaching theaters in our Mercedes are served with cow dung in a cake box and we eat it with giggles .....we the same people who think are miles apart from our drivers or watchman sit and enjoy jokes that they share every two minutes .....but pretentious idiots that we are ....our kids are learning the same nonsense that theirs learn without going to school and yet we are sooo cool and upper class.....a culture which we presumed existed in slums now rests in our drawing rooms and our dhobi's child is less sickly informed than our Youtube watching English speaking brat. .......
I feel like laughing on videos of 'Mile sur mera tumhara' with several artists and dancers showing vast musical and lyrical possibilities in this colorful country......now we are governed by a couple of people who have money and a camera to make us believe that all people in this country are proud to watch porn films with their parents and sisters....and Indians who look up to film folks find everything stylish....imitable ,... humor now is all about the sickest thing you can wrap in dialogues and most vulgar and disgusting things you can write because Mumbai is basically full of struggling writers , directors , singers now....people who either want to taste success at any cost or are starving....and once they know that biggies are finding salable garbage in their unexposed lives, the very reason which was discouraging them from competing with them, they will show you in tons what extent of filth can be served.....now if saheb and mem saheb can laugh on the most sexually constipated fantasy one has....I'm a star..... ... ....to hell with conduct...... and constipation of ideas has reached a state where we make a list of the most disgusting things we can write and then incorporate them in a weird unedited footage called film....
We the suave crowd of India are feeling so creatively obliged that there are people who are entertaining us with something so naughty and different .....you just ask them and they can shit all that content for months and months altogether knowing, all nonsense is at least paid for and paid attention to...which is more than enough.......
people who want to be famous can very well find a way through being infamous.

....and then they say this is new cinema......you even if take 10 births can't make old cinema because for that you need a kitchen to cook not a toilet to defecate.You need a brain that can create something absolutely original not a mind to lift swallow and vomit.....

One such film works and all strugglers open a part of their mind which they always felt is so personal and dirty that they never thought it can be so profitable .....

Whenever someone says 'Aajkal yahi chalta hai ' (all this works now a days) I don't understand if he is demeaning himself or saying how disgusting and pretentious double standard perverts we all are.

Some scenes or words too essential for the script can be understood but this deliberate desperation in a seemingly formula xeroxing mind one after the other is so weird..... How effortlessly few people have managed to shower all the frustration and filth on to us and we come out of theaters all drenched learning to grin on such things from each other...wondering if we are with times.

Children playing in theaters when sex scene are showing in the U/A certificate films....or songs with most disgusting words playing on loudspeakers on all occasions in front of our elders are some new colors of India..:)...Lets see how it shapes up.......

Once someone asked Majrooh Sultaanpuri saheb to write a vulgur song and he replied '' Hum kalam sihayi mein dubo kar likhte hain ...pishaab mein nahin " (To write I dip my pen in ink not in urine )

Saytamev Jayate : 4 minute appearance of Mr. Javed Akhtar.

In an hour's episode of Satyamev Jayate on alcoholism the most impactful and affective sentences were spoken by Mr. Javed Akhtar...... 
( I'm writing the exact lines )


1) शराब ऐसी नहीं होती जैसी फिल्मों में दिखती है .....हीरो तो फिल्मों में शराब पीकर बड़े अच्छे डायलोग बोलता है , बड़ा glamorous दिखता  है , ....लेकिन असल ज़िन्दगी में जो लोग शराब पीते हैं ....वे तीन तरह की चीज़ लग सकते हैं ....या तो घिनौने या गधे या दोनों ....इसमें कुछ glamourous नहीं होता....
(Alchohol is not how it is shown in movies.........drunk heros come up with some very good dialogues and look glamorous but in real life those who drink may look like three things.....hateful, donkeys or both, there is nothing glamorous about drinking )
 

2) अगर आप दूध पीना शुरू करें तो ऐसा नहीं होगा की आप 4 साल बाद 11 glass दूध पीते हुए मिलेंगे ....लेकिन शराब में यह tendency होती है कि ये बढ़ती जाती है। 
(If you start having milk you will not find yourself having 11 glasses after 4 years but it is the tendency of alcohol that the quantity keeps increasing )


3) ( He himself used to drink earlier so he said ) लोग मुझे कहते हैं कि मैं समझदार हूँ और intelligent हूँ तो मुझे 27 साल क्यूँ लगे यह समझने में कि मैं ये क्या बेवकूफी का काम कर रहा हूँ ..
(people say , I'm very sensible and intelligent then why did it take me 27 years to understand the foolishness I was doing...)


4) यह बेवकूफी का बदसूरत , घटिया और घिनौना काम है ....देखो बुरा होना तो फिर भी ठीक है पर बेवक़ूफ़ होना तो बहुत ख़राब है  ......

(It is an act which is distasteful , low and hateful .....being bad is still ok but being foolish is weird .........)

Javed saheb was just there for 4 minutes in the episode......

 ......its not what you say .....it is how you say it......:)

सास का पति , सास भूतनी बहू सती

Please यार दूरदर्शन के taste को फिर ज़िंदा करते हैं .........lack of ideas की असलियत को हमने public demand का नाम दे दिया ...हमारे daily soaps को दूरदर्शन से माफ़ी माँगनी चाहिये ......


                              हर हफ्ते एक नया सीरियल .......... सास , बहू  , सास का पति , सास भूतनी बहू सती , बहू का दर्द , सास सरदर्द  , सास और बहू  , बहू  का लहू  , सास की आस , बहू  की लाश ,बहू एक मर्दानी , सास ससुरी पुरानी , सास इंजन बहु कार ,सास बहु का प्यार (ये क्या हो गया यार ) ,  बहू वहू सास वास , सास बहू ले जायेगी ,सास का डंडा बहू का बाँस  , बहू की  जान , सास कि साँस , बहू सयानी सास डफर  , सास sauce बहू burger ...पका दिया बस करो ............

                                 हर हफ्ते किसी मनहूस दिन एक नया होर्डिंग और उस पर बैल कि तरह भंगार जैसे गहनों से loaded एक सी उम्र की दो औरतें ,constipated मुँह बना के खड़ी रहने वाली सास ....और हँसने को जो मरी जा रही हो वो बहू ........और उधर ही कहीं एक cardboard  के घर जैसे ,एक फूँक से उड़ जाने वाले सेट की अतरंगी तस्वीर के आगे लिखा होगा ....आई लक्ष्मी अंगना , सास या यशोदा , तुलसी का पौधा ......:/ 
                                 मर्द होर्डिंग और परिवार में mostly मृत होते हैं और जो ज़िंदा होते हैं उनका इतना कम role होता है कि उन्हें मर ही जाना चाहिये, ये मूलतः दिहाडी के मज़दूरों की तरह , मुख्य महिला किरदारों के इर्द गिर्द खड़े होकर या तो दांत निपोड़ रहे होते हैं , या यदा कदा बीच बीच में ....." अरे क्या हो गया भागवान " जैसी पंक्तियाँ बोल कर अगले एपीसोड तक बैठ जाते हैं " पूरा make-up करके सो रही , रो रही अभिनेत्रियाँ kitchen और आटा  पीसने के सीन में इमानदारी से चेहरे पर पानी के छींटे ले लेती हैं और लड़के क्योंकि furniture से खड़े रहते हैं , यहाँ वहाँ गर्दन हिला के protagonist की लाइनों पर ऐसे ही भाव देते पाये जाते हैं कि तू जल्दी बोल ले देवी तो मैं घर जाऊँ ....
                 ढिश ढिश ढिश ढिश pan pan tilt tilt.... tilting is titillating.Flash Flash ,Carbon copy of 'all in 1' expression + close up of 12 characters + budget to be shown in round trolley + crane from U.S to Ukraine........बस हो गई एक्टिंग .....एक सुविधा और दी जा सकती है कि  स्क्रीन पर एक shade card भी दिया जाये ताकि पता चले की हरी flash मतलब ईर्षा , लाल flash बोले तो बन्दे ने गुस्सा किया ....भाव वाले चेहरों का ' भाव ' ज़्यादा  होता है इसलिये  ये युक्ति ज़्यादा मुनाफे वाली है.....

यार और भी explore करने को है दुनिया में .......
दूरदर्शन याद है ??

Nukkad,

Wah janab

Humrahi

Bharat ek khoj

Vikram aur vetaal 

Chanakya

Tamas

Surbhi

Udaan  

Viraasat

Waagle ki duniyaan

Malgudi days 

Circus 

Rajni 

Fauji

Imtihaan

Paying guest

Buniyaad 

Hum log

karamchand

Turning point 
Rangoli 

ek do teen chaar

Thoda sa aasmaan 

Sigma 

Shri Krishna

Tehkikaat

Swabhimaan 

Dekh bhai dekh

Tenali Rama

Shanti

Neem ka ped 

Phir wahi talash

intezaar aur sahi

Flop show 

gul gulshan gulfaam

Himalaya darshan

Ye duniya gazab ki

Hum panchhi ek daal ke

Honee unhonee

Itihaas  
Jungle book 

Mirza ghalib

kabir

Mr .Yogi

Phool khile hain gulshan gulshan  

....ये था Television.....इसे कहते हैं content ,इसे कहते हैं variety , .गोबर कर के रख दिया इसे , जब creativity का अकाल पड़ जाये , तो कह दो लोगों को यही पसंद है , क्या उस ज़माने में housewives नहीं होती थीं , सासें नहीं होती थीं , या बहुऐं  नहीं होती थीं  ?? शायद अब से ज़्यादा  housewives थीं ...साड़ियाँ , ज्वेलरी और फिल्मों के गानों पर annual function की तरह imitate करते हुए हम television actors क्या कर रहे हैं पता नहीं....ये सब नहीं देखना चाहते थे हम सभी ....

                               जब सब channels एक ही चीज़ परोसेंगे तो लोग उस कचरे में से कुछ चुनने को मजबूर होते हैं , वो लोकप्रियता नहीं hoti ,.....कुछ तो लोग देखेंगे ही घर आकर ....हम अपने lack of ideas को public demand बोले जा रहे हैं , कहीं  , कुछ भी लिख दो ....कोई इतिहास देखने की ज़रूरत नहीं , ज़बान , sets और लिबास पर काम करने का झंझट नहीं .....एक फर्मा बन गया है कौन कैसी लगेगी.....दादी से लेकर पोती तक ...... हमारे यहाँ सबसे creative , dressman होते हैं , actors के  कपड़ों के size तो  बदलते हैं .....

                                  एक सॉफ्टवेर बनाना चाहिये .....सास बहू casino tukka poker software.....बस सब characters का नाम .....लफड़ा  , फोटो पे माला ,  पंगा प्यार थप्पड़ लंबा slow गाना , औरत का ambulance के siren जैसा रोना ........ ये सब अल्फाज़  फीड कर दो , और shuffle का button दबा दो , ये लो ताज़ा episode तैयार ....

               जनता को बेवक़ूफ़ करार कर रखा है कि उन्हें ये ही सब पसंद है , .....ये ना भूलें कि इसी जनता ने बेहतरीन धारावाहिकों से दूरदर्शन को अपनाया था .....वही जनता जो दूरदर्शन के धारावाहिकों के लिये घरों की ओर दौड़ती थी और सड़कें सूनसान हो जाया करती थीं ......वह जनता दूरदर्शन के मनोरंजन और उसके स्तर की इज्ज़त करती थी ....वो medium फिल्मों से ज्यादा लोगों तक पहुँचता था जिसके निर्माता इस विशाल पहुँच का उत्तरदायित्व समझते हुए scripts और content पर उसे अमर बना देने वाली मेहनत करते थे , .....तब उन्हें कभी नहीं लगा की public सिर्फ लाजवंती बहुओं के backless blouse और illegal affairs ही देखना चाहती  है .......क्या degrade कर दिया है हमने इस medium को जो कभी फिल्मों से हज़ार गुना rich था  .....जो आज़ादी हमें मिली थी खुले आकाश में उड़ने की , नया नया सोचने और बनाने की , हमने उसका सत्यानाश कर दिया पैसों के चक्कर में .....कुछ research करने की ज़रूरत नहीं ........25 साल की सुंदरियाँ channel में बैठे बैठे अपने फ़न  में माहिर लोगों को ज्ञान दे देती हैं की किसका किससे टांका भिड़ाने से ...., किसको किससे थप्पड़ पड़वाने से , किसका hairstyle बदलने से TRP बढ़ सकती है ।क्या साहित्य , क्या शोध , क्या अध्ययन , क्या प्रतिभा , क्या क्रियाशीलता ? सब गई चूल्हे में ....अब जिसको भी एक auto rickshaw वाले या पान वाले जितना भी ज्ञान है वो सीरियल की विस्तृत विवेचना करने लायक है .......क्या कर रहे हैं हम ?
                           Creation mesmerize करता है , और जिसमें  substance होता है वो आग की तरह फैलता है ......वो तूफ़ान की तरह असर करता है जिसका ज़र्रे ज़र्रे को पता होता हैं .......वो इतिहास बनता है और जीवन भर याद रहता है ... ऐसी दीवानगी की कोई TRP नहीं होती , रोज़ नहीं सोचना पड़ता की किसकी साड़ी और necklace से TRP  बढ़ सकती है ......please यार चलो फिर television को जिंदा करते हैं .....मुझे लगता है अतीत दोहराने के लिए नहीं , सीखने के लिये  होता है .....!!! कहाँ दूरदर्शन कहाँ दर्शन ....हा हा :)

DEAR HELICOPTER DRIVERS......girls around me are already impressed.

Whenever god forbid some vehicle bangs into yours from behind keep moving for a while and take a side,don't react like James bond,and stop suddenly in the middle of the highway to teach him a lesson....in most cases it leads to a series of accidents just because someone felt it was high time he should be out of his vehicle to save humanity and bring the entire globe to a halt to teach evil a lesson.....it is common sense although , but just saw a similar accident so thought of sharing.

Also it is such a common practice in India to stop there and then,whenever and wherever, if someone accidentally dashes into your car.... block the traffic and first tell him what sin he has committed and/or ask for money.....kindly don't take your car out,take a rick if you really feel you cannot afford the repair of a dent or a tail light of your car because if it is really bigger....you won't be in a state to see who did it.....

I find it so weird to overreact when a bike or a rick bangs into your car.....it has to happen with this kind of population and no one does it deliberately....it even damages the other vehicle so he won't, so please relax .....it is not a helicopter it is just a car and everyone has one now a days.........and if at all that macho reaction impresses your girl friend take your damn army tank on one side and let us go we have some more important work than seeing you in action and girls around me are already impressed. :)