Mobile and memories

Today I had to transfer a couple of numbers from my phone to my sim card with a limit of 250 numbers , it was like an emotional journey through my life again , scrolling through those 1000 numbers to select 250 numbers that I would never like to lose...you halt for a while and then suddenly copy names you think you hate and let go of names everyone thinks you have an association with...some you have never met for ages are there since ages and some you feel might be of some use the way you keep plumber's or electrician's number.....they are like utility numbers ,some are like emergency numbers, some like encyclopedias , some like inquiry numbers, and can you believe ....some have passed away but I still transferred their numbers.......you as if give numbers, like in an exam, to phone numbers.....numbers and names are like pages of your life some you want to tear and keep in a file ,some you just want to turn over and some that you stop and read again ....every name in that contact list is like a good or bad or immaterial , important, happy or sad part of your life.....some numbers are thrown out like junk and some you feel can again be used at some point of your life....some are like dormant volcanoes you will never touch .....but if someday they irrupt in the form of a ring , you are pleasantly or shockingly surprised to see......you think twice before picking it up but then you wonder why you kept it for years if you didn't have to pick it up.....some numbers might never ring, but you wish they flash on your mobile someday....like papa's number.....they are like fantasies .... phone directories are like emotional roller coasters.

 

I JUST WISH DAD SAW THAT I'M TRYING TO REGAIN THAT GLORY FROM HIS TERRACE.

All guys like me who are born and brought up in Jaipur know kite flying ....its understood...:) It was kite flying day yesterday in Jaipur ......
Dad was a champion....he just used to fly kites on Makar Sakranti but people till date talk about his skills of flying and fighting huge kites and others from adjacent terraces would request to spare theirs.....We all at one point or the other have given time to master the skill of kite flying and fighting...and fondly remember the days when we would snap several threads with ours and count them like medals....We all remember our first kite training ,first kite flying terrace,first kite flying associates,first kite flying accidents,first kite flying romantic incidents/accidents and so on....ha ha....I too remember.....now quite out of practice but next year have decided to regain my form....
It is not just a kite ...it is my childhood,my dad,simple pleasures of life,memories,togetherness, belongingness 

....my dad has always been younger than me.. :)..I have always been a super bore...he he :)....always engrossed in my film making custom made games and music synthesizers .....yesterday...without dad didn't feel like flying kites....so was just doing my editing work till late evening....and then saw ... neighbour Uncle and his sons on the terrace shouting and screaming,......they used to fight kites with dad and were used to seeing someone as an amazing skilled competitor on our terrace....my dad.Dads would in the evening fly the biggest kites and no body like war ethics would intervene or poke his nose with a small 'Kiten'....we would just hold thread winders/spools (charkhi) and so keenly follow our dad's kites ; sometimes after getting entangled the fight would go on and on for a couple of minutes and others on other terraces would just freeze to witness the climax......and then Dad would just very patiently wait for the feel of correct tension in his fingers,correct wind,correct control and then an amazing heroic gesture of pulling the thread with speed and all might and .....sssssaaaaaaaataaaaaaaaak.......would snap the other kite......and the whole colony would shake with a collective sound of ......wowwwwwwww kaaatttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........that would even echo from other terraces and an amazing friendly smile of uncle for papa who would with amazing spirit start winding his snapped thread and a child would shout from the other roof ,fly one more and we will cut it ....this time......:)
Ufffff.......why days and people just fly away....

Uncle and his sons gift me memories all over again....they are a part of my dad.....so just switched off my comps and ran on the terrace just to make them see.....Mr. Dave's son is very much there....that terrace will not look devastated after him....I just kept watching kites flying and fighting ....and uncles and his sons waved at me.....something happened,....I knew I was't prepared but still ....went down and brought kites and Charkhi......cousin sis came running to hold it for me and I kept flying kites till late evening.....
I just wish dad saw that I'm trying to regain that glory from his terrace.....!

All men are not rapists.....your father, brothers, husband and sons are not.

No one wants these unfortunate incidents like this Delhi case to happen,it is gruesome...but...5 statements from people who have said anything other than what the entire nation wants to hear at this moment....are obviously making headlines.....and other 5000000 irresponsible ones from extremists ....tagging all men as animals (except their own fathers ,brothers ,sons and friends) and demanding that there should be legal sections where every accused without a proof should be hanged....are nothing but a slap on the faces of all those men who are standing on the roads with banners and shouting slogans the whole day supporting women and condemning such incidents,a humiliation for all those who can't even think of doing something inhuman like this...but....may be men have got used to it ,they have been generous ,they will be....because not all are rapists.......an incident today in news paper where again a woman has accused three men of rape.....

- Her permanent address is been found to be incorrect

- she is found to have made a similar complain against the same people in some other city a couple of years back

- and police have come to know of a property issue between them...

 still I say what she is claiming should be investigated but a belief ...that no woman can ever lie....is so weird.....
...please ,if there were some animals who have done this,do you really think all those lacs and lacs of men who are condemning it would have just quietly watched it and enjoyed it like a film had they  been watching it happen .?...

..today girls all over the country enjoy night life and are able to be out enjoying and partying because they are not dancing in discs fearing rape all the time as it is claimed to be after such incidents, they feel safe in the company of their male friends who don't think of raping them....it sounds crude ,I know....as it sounds when this is how it is made to seem....I really want to know how many women step out of the house daily with a fear of  RAPE in their mind ?.....and suddenly one fine morning you hear there should be sections amended to goad all men in this country..... it has never proved to be right even in the past..... it is not legally ,ethically and logically right to tag a gender and make sections like 498a and 406 with which lacs of families have been brutally destroyed by women and just because there were people who were dowry seekers,an entire nation full of completely innocent guys and their families have been ruined by innumerable women filing completely concocted and false complains .... this open brutality by women has been termed as "Legal terrorism" by the supreme court as it is still constantly on a rise...so please......Men are born to protect not to rape.....and every daughter,every sister,every mother,every wife and every friend knows it .....

The right attitude is ......every criminal whether a man or a woman should be punished.....and so these men should be punished for what they have done and all men support it.It would in fact be cruel to take drastic constitutional or legal steps in an emotional high and make life hell for lacs and lacs of innocent men hereon,not even good for women because no woman loves to see her father or son harassed,arrested or behind bars just because there have been some male animals who pounce and some female animals who frame.

वो सही था वो सही है

वो सही था वो सही है 

जिसके सर पर तलवार रही है 

सबने मुँह में जो आया कह दिया 

उसकी हर बात अनकही है ,

आज फिर लगा कोई पीछे छूटा शायद 

मुड़ के देखा तो साया भी नहीं है

खुदको फिर तन्हा पाया तो लगा ऐसे

दर्शन तू तब भी वही था

तू अब भी वही है ....

--- DD

TEAS TEASE ...:)

If you can't have 3 teaspoons of sugar in one cup of tea....you are so unlike me....he he,every time when I ask a spot boy or a household help at someone's place...." tea with just milk no water and two and a half teaspoons

 of sugar " ... there comes a pause in the room as if I have abused someone....and then he cross checks ....he leaves as if he is trying to come to terms with it.... he enters after some time as if anticipating to see some magic trick.....and when he places the tray on the table he hands over my cup as if one smuggler is handing over a bag of drugs to another and then he gives a disgusting look .....as if the mental torture that I have caused to the entire humanity is unbearable....and then comes a question sweeter than my tea....do you want some more sugar ?...although it should sound sarcastic but it usually sounds like a client is asking a question to some tantrik baba...one who does black magic....even though I'm not having black tea.It sounds too diabetic to handle for a while and then when the hosts take sips of their teas or whatever you call it .......medicine or extract..... without milk and sugar there is just an atmosphere of sympathy and pity for each other ..... and two three sips of those teas are in absolute silence as if we are in a condolence ceremony and then one of the two makes a Ahem Ahem sound before starting a conversation as if there was definitely something in the tea that was hard to swallow.......ufff teas tease.....he he........:)

रब्बा मुझे भी इस दुनिया के जैसा बना दे ....

रब्बा मुझे भी इस दुनिया के जैसा बना दे ,
कोई कितना खुदको खुद के मरने की सांत्वना दे , 
(सांत्वना - console )


सारी  दुनिया उधर है , अब अकेले डर लगता है ,
मेरे जिंदा होने का माना ये भी एक मुग़ालता  है , 
( मुगालता - confusion ,misconception )


जो पिघलता नहीं , वो जलने की सज़ा  पाता  है ,
बाढ़ को सख्त दरख़्त तोड़कर मज़ा आता है ,

अच्छे दिनों की भी कोई याद होती तो अच्छा होता ,
और उस याद की लम्बी मियाद होती तो अच्छा होता , 
(मियाद - duration)


कुछ हो तो मैं रुकूँ वरना चलूँ फिर रुख्सत लूँ ,
शायद तुझे भी याद रहे तेरी मेरी फुरक़त यूँ ,
(फुरक़त - Separation)


कोई आवाज़ नहीं आती जब पलट कर जाने लगता हूँ ,
अपना नाम चीख कर , गूँज खुद ही को सुनाने लगता हूँ ,


ज़िन्दगी ही कहता था मैं तो , लोग कहते हैं नासूर है ,
जीत का हर फलसफा , खूबसूरत हार का दस्तूर है , 
(फलसफा - Philosophy)


तक़दीर बेरहम थी या मैं बेशर्म था , पता नहीं ,
मेरे क़त्ल में , शरीक़ मैं भी था , उसकी खता नहीं ,


जाने तक सभी ने बहुत लिहाज़ किया मेरे हालात का ,
बोझ भी कुछ कम नहीं था उनपर वफ़ा ओ जज़्बात का ,
(वफ़ा ओ जज़्बात - Loyalty and emotions)


जो मैंने संभाला वो सब छीन लिया रुसवाई ने , 
जो बचा वो भी ले लिया तन्हाई ने ,
गर कभी धूप  पड़े तुमपर तो फिर बुला लेना ,
ऐसा कुछ कहा कल मुझसे मेरी परछाई ने ......
(रुसवाई - bad mouthing or criticize )

                                                                                                      -DD

MY WORST ACTING IN THE ICU

ICU of a hospital in Jaipur.........I was laughing and humming in front of my dad ,just not to let him know that doctors are waiting for his death.Am not able to forget that innocent look ,when he knew something is terribly wrong and would try to get the answer by just looking into my eyes all the time,with numerous tubes in his mouth ,nose ,throat and body....

A year back in the same hospital , where he went on his own feet ,I once told him....."papa I have just seen the ICU in the corridor it is so scary all people are lying like dead bodies,I don't think anybody comes out of it alive ".....I was so stupid....had never thought,it might happen to us so soon.

...... in the same hospital I kept seeing pigeons making nests ,laying eggs ,I watched newborns coming out and flying off and we were still there in the same hospital room....and then dad in all consciousness saw his journey from bed to wheel chairs to stretchers to oxygen to ventilator.....ohhh papa.........and all this happened when my family was already dragged in a painful situation by some animals,and we were very much in the middle of that nightmare,and he just didn't want to leave me and mom alone to fight with them,on one hand they were after our lives ,and my priority was to save my papa and I just couldn't do anything.....

I was casually called one fine morning by the doctors when I had just bought a laptop and internet connection to connect with doctors all over the world to get my papa out of all this ,and was told.....there is very little hope,...... I would get this news in several versions every now and then and then.... I would prepare myself mentally ,enter the same ICU and be loud and would ham to make him believe that I'm so happy to know that he is recovering now.....may be since he was very brave and practical he was looking for an answer so that he could make up his mind for,....I don't know what...... but I like a coward never accepted it...I never wanted to let him get into that mode of giving up.....I just wanted him to die with a relief that everything is fine and everything would be fine ,......one miracle,and it would have saved my faith and my being forever....

Can't explain that moment when someone knows he is leaving his child, his wife forever , you are looking into the pulse meter and cardiogram and know that he is sinking ,and would leave you any moment ,but he is conscious and definitely knows its over and you are still acting and acting ....asking him to sleep and rest and he is not missing a moment of watching you for the last time....and after a moment of vacuum, when the hospital staff pulls out all the tubes ,you are holding your tears  and you just say,please don't pull it so hard ,do it gently , you know , now you are not acting.